The reason for this blog

My bird, Arcturo, loves to watch kids’ shows.

He acts like his life is over if I forget to turn the TV channel to Teletubbies, Barney, and Big Comfy Couch every day at 6:00 PM sharp. As soon as he sees these shows, he starts dancing and singing – drags me in front of the TV to sing “I love you, you love me…”, pulls me close to the screen so he can say hello and goodbye to Teletubbies, admonishes me when I don’t get a joke that the DustBunnies said in gibberish, that sort of thing. It’s embarassing. Especially when friends are over.

I’m doomed to watch these shows with him, every day, over and over. I realize that some parents probably have kids that do the same thing, I’m sure they can sympathize with me. An overdose of Teletubbies can lead to severe mental problems. Be careful.

I certainly don’t enjoy these shows. I’d much rather spend the time doing ANYTHING else. But I see the benefits Arcturo derives from them and all the pleasure he gains from the time we spend watching. Birds have a narrow scope of “fun” – if it weren’t for kid’s shows and tickle fights, he’d have no fun at all.

Seeing these shows through a bird’s eye is quite a bit more twisted than seeing it through a child’s eye. Birds have a different set of values than we do, and they make up reality as they go. You can’t really tell a bird that cats don’t fly if he just saw one do it on TV.

I’m not going to indulge any perverted fantasies that some humans might harbor about these children’s shows. On the same hand, I’m not going to give you a homogenized goody-goody review of these shows. Both Arcturo and I cuss a lot and we’re quite bigoted against certain types of humans. It’s a survival instinct for both of us so if you don’t like it, we invite you to quietly shove it up your ass. I’m not doing this for anybody’s benefit, but my own amusement.

You can read more about Arcturo here. He’s a very intelligent bird. A Nanday Conure. They are not supposed to be a talking species, but he’s got a surprisingly large vocabulary. 

As we watch these shows, he tries to discuss what he’s seeing on them. A lot of times, I don’t know what he’s saying – grumbles and mumbles, but we’ve been together long enough to understand each other pretty well. Most of the time it’s pretty obvious what he’s interested in or asking me about. If he thinks I’m not understanding him, he lets me know and he’s not happy until he’s sure that I understood him. I’m kinda slow, but I catch on soon enough.

~*~*~*~*~*~ DISCLAIMER ~*~*~*~*~*~

These informal “reviews” should be considered completely satire, formulated bullshit, self-serving braggadocio, and at times will be completely incorrect. Don’t expect any factual information here. Names are often misspelled or confused with other characters. All trademark names are property of their respective companies and are used here just to make fun of them and laugh in their face for being the corporate douche bags that they are. I don’t really pay much attention while watching so I make up a lot of stuff to fill in the mental gaps necessary to make sense of all this. We’re not concerned with what actually happens on these shows, but what we perceive is happening instead, since, after all, that’s what really matters, isn’t it? Nobody else needs to find any of this humorous but myself, but if you think you can improve my sense of comedic enterprise, please feel free to let me know.

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3 Responses to The reason for this blog

  1. Lisa says:

    Ok..wrote a comment then realized..woa…this is old…anyway…I have been reading your synopsis and I do laugh and smile. Hope you and Arcturo are well.. Hugs…

  2. menubar says:

    Yeah, sorry I haven’t kept up writing here Lisa. Thanks for your encouragement though, I’ll have some new posts up soon to catch up.

  3. Megan says:

    I dont remember what I was trying to find when I stumbled on this page.. I was blown away at how funny and great this is.. btw, you are a good writer too.
    You mentioned that parents have to go through this… well… kids grow up, you may have it worse.. 🙂 BUT, if I were you.. I wouldnt trade it for the universe..it sounds like a companion that most people dont find in a lifetime. 🙂 I am very impressed with your work, you actually may want to check out jobs at the zoo, SERIOUSLY.. you keep talking about financial difficulty, but it really does look like you are great with animals… and perhaps with Arcturo’s talents, you may want to put HIM on display, I think people would pay to see a bird do what he does.

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