Happy Birthday Horseplay

Teletubbies had Japanese kids painting kanji characters. This one spells “LUCK” – better spellcheck that, an “F” can look a lot like an “L” in kanji, and we all know what happened to Soupy Sales. Tubby land floods – ships loom on the horizon, steam past us, and leave. Interestingly enough I can’t find anything wrong with that segment. Or interesting for that matter.

Poe plunges his hand into a tub of Tubby Custard – which we’ve already established to be made primarily of pureed rabbit – under the encouragement of the narrator he “decorates” the entire tubby hutch. If you have kids, and you wake up one morning to find that your delicate snowflake has murdered a rabbit in your blender and plastered it all over the walls, you can blame this episode. Nu-Nu schlurps it all up. I imagine the tubby-hutch must smell really awful with all their farting and rotten rabbit meat splattered everywhere on a regular basis.

Teletubbies dance – er, I mean they “donce” – they’re british see, and they con’t pronounce common english words.

It’s Barney’s birthday today. All the kids gave him store bought gifts. Griff is acting suspicious. “Where’d you buy a gift for Barney from Griff?” He avoids the subject. After a self-serving pity party, the kids discover Griff’s gift and give it to Barney. Griff explains that he was embarrassed that he made a gift instead of spending money on Barney’s gift. Barney opens it and it’s a beautiful jewelry box professionally designed, and when you open it, a birthday cake springs up and dances in a circle while a song which is definitely NOT the copyrighted “Happy Birthday” song plays.

Note that you’ll never hear the “Happy Birthday” song on Barney. The song is retained by some crotchety 900 year old couple in a retirement home in Florida. They don’t want ANYBODY singing their song, so screw ’em. Barney constantly skirts copyright issues by simply changing a few words. The main theme song is actually “Yankee Doodle” and they’ve screwed Johnny Thunder out of any royalties for the song “Here we go loop-de-loop” by changing it to “Here we go Luby-loo”. Barney sucks.

Back to Griff’s gift – I doubt Griff has the electrical design experience, talent nor inclination to actually “build” such a magical, musical, dancing jewelry box device – he’s obviously lying. He undoubtedly stole it from the last people he was grifting and couldn’t fence it at his usual pawn shop.

The kids sing a song. “Hey Mr. Nigger-Bopper, boppity-bop! I like-a da way that you boppity-bop! With your hands!” That’s racist! The kids love the tune though – they’re soooo cute in a fascist aryan kinda way, ain’t they?

It’s National Horseplay Day on Big Comfy Couch. Uh-huh.

I don’t know what your definition of “horseplay” is, but my definition was given to me when I was 7 years old and was caught fingering one of my female playmates in the playground sandbox (yeah, I started early). My parents punished me for what they called “horseplay”. Ever since that early experience, I’ve wondered where the horses come in.

Apparently, ClownTown’s national definition for horseplay is – being silly with horses. Major Deadhead celebrates by humping an ostrich. Snicklefritz the cat hates this freakin holiday for some reason. He thinks they’re all a bunch of heretics for observing it. They rub his face in it by bombarding him with dumb jokes. He wants to kill them all, and who can blame him?

They call him a “sourpuss”. He slouches off swearing vengeance against all who worship the Horseplay gods. This is why cats are not allowed to own guns in the united states.

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