Fart Jokes

For those who come here to find out what happened on Teletubbies, let me say one thing. Some episodes are pure genius (like the one when Poe drives recklessly fast and wraps his “cooter” around a tree), and some are just uneventful. This was one of the uneventful ones. They farted a lot.

Must be all the pureed rabbit they eat. They fart and it produces a colorful cloud behind them that they make shapes with. Poe farts a square, Twinkie farts a triangle. According to Rev. Billy Graham, triangles are supposed to be Teletubby-speak for “I’m teh ghey”, especially purple ones. Purple triangles pooting out his ass are probably super-gay. Neither Arcturo nor I can fart shapes. I guess we should be impressed.

Barney is too freaking weird. It’s a nice spring day, but everybody is saying it’s cold – wearing winter clothes and sweating their asses off under the stage lights. Turns out this episode is the children’s version of “Day After Tomorrow” – drastic weather changes within a very short time. Suddenly it’s snowing. Baby Bop and her thalidomide kin, B.J. and the Grifter, pretend to be too retarded to know what “cold” is.

Suddenly – I don’t know what happened, I must have been distracted for a minute, because all of a sudden it’s hot as hell in Barney land. Kids are scarfing down ice-cream like pigs at a trough (in opposition to the trendy “Don’t double-size me!” commercial aimed at the Paris Hilton 7-year old fan base). I’m waiting for the vomit commercials for bulimic kindergarten spice girls.

Big Comfy Couch was fairly easy to ignore today. Something about not calling people names. They had a skit about a bird that didn’t know his name. Arcturo said he could use the name Arcturo if he wants – he’s generous and thoughtful like that. A good pal to have if you ever forget your name.

Auntie Macassar lands practically on top of Major Deadhead. I always joke about her being the coolest “Camel-Toe-in-Coolots”, but she’s one of the people that really makes the show interesting. She REALLY throws the mons venus around in this episode! She’s the queen of the Pubis Monds in knee-knocker shorts – complete with the obligatory pearl necklace. You perverts know what I mean. Personally, I don’t go around looking for deviant perversions in kid’s shows. Would I hit it? Let me think about that one. She’s a pretty big girl, could probably lift me by the scruff of the neck with one hand. Sex with her could be rather dangerous. So yeah – add another 80 lbs of boobage and I’d go for it. We’re both the “adventurous” type.

Arcturo says no – he wouldn’t hit it, but he’s too young to have read anything by R. Crumb, Buchowski, Hunter Thompson and the ilk, so he obviously misses the entertainment value.

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