Grifters in Barneytown

Teletubbies sucked. Use your imagination.

Today was a day I had feared for a long time on Barney. Griff comes to town.

I’ve seen this character before. If you thought Baby Bop and B.J. were enough retards for one show, you are wrong. The Barney franchise obviously feels you don’t get enough retard in your daily viewing so they added another one named “Riff”.

Arcturo and I remember this biatch from past years of watching Barney every day. We feared that someday, they’ll be running re-runs with him in them or they’ll bring the character back in new shows. We knew it would happen sooner or later, we just wish it wasn’t so soon.

I could swear his name was “Griff” the last time we saw him. It was a fitting name – I had assumed he was there with bad intentions of robbing everybody of whatever he could get away with before hitting the road again. Arcturo assumed he was called “Griff” because he had some Gryphon blood mixed in with his dinosaur ancestry.

All of a sudden we find out his name is now “Riff”. Probably to disguise his intentions long enough for him to get what he needs and get out. He’s a grifter no matter what you call him, and now he’s posing as a musician of sorts. The kids obviously don’t remember him and his past transgressions, because they’re replaced with new kids about once a week. Baby Bop and B.J. are obviously too retarded to remember what happened yesterday, so they’re overjoyed to have a new character to play with.

Loonette played tricks on people until granny spoofs her with the oldest trick in the book – the ol’ Peanut Crisp Snake Can Trick! This is why you should always open gift cans of peanut crisp while pointing it at the face of the person who hands it to you.

Loonette is called a Dancin’ Fool by the narrator. This is why I enjoy the show – the Frank Zappa references. We were waiting for her to do a Valley Girl impersonation but it didn’t happen.

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