Toosdey

Teletubbies started out with Poe schlurping down a nice bowl of Tubby Custard – the pink substance that we’ve already determined to consist of flowers and pureed rabbit. Arcturo always wondered why the bowls are shaped like a spiraled tube – it functions like a straw allowing them to suck up the substance. A neighbor came by and sang to Arcturo for a while, so I forget what else happened on Teletubbies. Oh, the “Do-re-me-fa-so-la-TEEEEE-DOOOOOOO!” guy made another appearance, Arcturo is still concerned about this puppet’s mental defects.

Barney was pretty dumb as usual. It started out with Barney magically conjuring up a hammer. I sense trouble already, and explain to Arcturo how, to a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Sure enough Barney uses his mastery of the dark arts to summon up a beautiful little bird house. Arcturo thought that was cute. But then Barney smacked it a few times with the hammer and declared “NOW it’s done!” Yeah, those dents were exactly what it needed ya big dumb stump.

Big Comfy Couch was mildly tragic. Loonette lost her storybook, and her dolly Molly immediately sinks into a state of severe depression. Sort of like what Arcturo does when he doesn’t get to see his shows on TV for whatever reason.

It gets worse. She goes to Granny Garbonzo’s shack because she’s under the supposition that Granny stole their cherished storybook. Major Deadhead delivers a VCR tape to granny. Grampa Schlomo and the family sent her a crumby black and white silent movie of them playing music. Granny goes all suicidal, because she knows she’ll probably die in Clown Town and never see her family ever again. Loonette cheers her up by singing a dirge about what a bummer the human condition is. I slit both my wrists, but unfortunately the incisions were easily sutured before all my life blood drained from my body. Arcturo must have dialed 911 or something – it’s all a haze.

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