Puppet Humor

Today the Teletubbies heard a cow. Obviously they’ve never heard a cow before, because the sound sent them into epileptic spasms on the floor. This is the exact same reaction the audience experiences with the new Elmo/Gitmo puppet on The Daily Show With Jon Stewart.

Today’s teletubby show is about green – but screw that. I want to talk about the new Elmo/Gitmo puppet that everybody thinks is the piss-your-pants funniest thing they’ve ever seen since their uncle Chet dangled his car keys in front of their cribs.

For those of you that come here for the funniest humor in the world, here’s an example of Elmo/Gitmo humor from the daily show. If you have a weak bladder or are easily injured by chronic laughter, you might want to avoid the following, hilarious diatribe…

GITMO/ELMO: “Hewwo! I’m Gitmo!”

AUDIENCE: “HAWHAWHAWHAW” (maniacal peals of laughter explode from crowd for several minutes. With the help of stage hands, paramedics and Whackenhut Security cops, order is slowly restored…).

GITMO/ELMO: “Hewwo! I’m Gitmo!”

AUDIENCE: “OMFG! THAT IS THE FUNNIEST GDDMN THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE MTHERFKING LIFE!!” (several audience members lose control and have pissed their pants. People are literally rolling on the floor in spasmodic laughter. Old ladies faint and are given oxygen by paramedics, but continue laughing. Daily Show goes into emergency commercial break to give the entire United States time to compose themselves).

My apologies to those of you who inadvertently read the above, and injured or wet yourselves before the word “Hewwo” even left the puppet’s artificial mouth. But you deserve it and worse. If you find GITMO/ELMO even the least bit amusing, you are being controlled by a laugh-track – you are a puppet! People will sell you things you don’t need just to keep you from hurting yourself with your money.

As far as what Arcturo thought about today’s teletubbies episode, he liked it. Lots of green. He’s green (mostly). So he learned a new word today – “Green”.

On to Barney…

Right now they’re marching. Get them in cadence while they’re young.

Apparently Baby Bop had a baby. I don’t understand how this happened. This doesn’t seem to bother Arcturo. I guess he assumes she laid an egg and had Griff fertilize it. Everybody is concerned about waking the baby. Baby Bop slams the baby’s carriage into B.J’s knee and yells at him for trying to wake the baby. 

“What do babies like?” one of the children wonders.

“Colors and shapes!” they all reply.

I was going to say “food”. I know nothing about babies. I have no desire to see Baby Bop attempt to breast feed anyway, so colors and shapes it is. I was busy typing stuff here so I don’t know if the baby survived to the end of the show.

Big Comfy Couch was all sneezy today.

A long time ago, a friend sneezed really loudly and scared Arcturo. I explained what sneezes are to him, so now, every time someone sneezes he says “Bless you. Big Sneeze! AAACHOOO! Big Sneeze!, etc.” So he really had fun with Loonette sneezing. I never heard him laugh so long. Birds don’t fart, so sneezes are pretty funny to them.

Arcturo was strangely quiet all day before his shows came on. I thought maybe he was sick or something until I looked back at the TV schedule and saw that when they usually show Teletubbies at Noon, they switched to some fill-in show. He was just “on-hold” until he could get his Teletubby fix. Soon as it came on at 6pm he was all over it. Now he’s the happiest bird in the world.

Tomorrow’s my birthday, so I’m going to let him stay up late tonight. This is purely selfish on my part – sure he’ll appreciate staying up late, but it also means I get to sleep in a bit later tomorrow.

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