Acetone Inhalants Improve Self-Esteem

Okay we’re all caught up now and back on track for daily posts.

Today, Teletubbies was fairly uneventful. Nu-nu almost choked to death on Dipsy’s hat. He gagged and dry-heaved for about 3 minutes while Dipsy remained unaffected by his desperate attempts to expunge the object from his esophagus. No Heimlich maneuver here folks – that’s a whole ‘nuther episode. He finally hacked it up, like a huge cow-hide hairball.

Nu-nu doesn’t speak much, but I’m sure his snorkling after vomiting up Dipsy’s hat would be translated to “Here’s your damn hat already …I hope you choke on it.”

Nu-Nu is one of Arcturo’s favorite characters because he was afraid of the Nu-nu at first, but he’s grown to appreciate the Nu-nu’s role in cleaning up tubbyland after the Teletubbies screw things up.

On to today’s Barney episode. Barney says “Trying new things make you feel all good inside!” This is probably advocated by all the pharmaceutical companies supporting the show. 

jackson, the little black kid, made a “healthy snack” for the girls. He said it’s healthy, but “it tasteses weird” – the girls took his word for it and passed on taking a taste of it. Now the kids are singing the “Have a Snack” song. Jackson’s not satisfied with grossing out the girls with his healthy snack, so they all go out to find more victims. “It’s all my favorite foods mixed together”.

B.J. (unfortunate name for a kid’s show character) likes it.

I wonder what happened to the other character – Griff. Grif is apparently some kind of young grifter from out of town. I think he shows up once in a while to act like a friend but probably scams the kids out of all their bubblegum and lollypops before he leaves. This topic gave me a chance to explain the penal system to Arcturo. He understands the concept of being locked up in a cage as punishment.

Now the kids are on the ground drawing with huge magic markers. Soon as they’ve inhaled enough acetone they’re all up singing about how special everyone is. Apparently this exercise is meant to build self esteem. Cocaine is probably safer for esteem building than acetone, kids – the more you know.

Big Comfy Couch. I usually don’t mind BCC, but today they almost killed me. Loonette said she was feeling lazy and, of course, the only cure is a stretch on the “Clock Rug”. I was feeling kinda lazy myself, and Arcturo must have sensed this and decided that a good stretch would be just the thing to revitalize me. He kept pulling me down until I was finally sitting on the ground. To humor him I started doing the clock stretch with Loonette.

Don’t try this at home if you’re over 13 years old.

I’m around 48, and I think I hurt something in my back right around 1:00. I tried rolling on it, as Loonette was doing. I figured that would “pop” back in place whatever got knocked out of alignment. Didn’t work. I think all my vertebra have separated like dominoes, leaving me in a fetal position for about 20 minutes. It doesn’t really hurt now, but if history is any indication, I’ll be on Vicodins tomorrow. Results: I’d say the clock stretch didn’t make me feel very energetic today.

Arcturo delights in pain. I think he knew this would happen, but made me do it purely for the entertainment factor.

Major Deadhead stuck a wind-up key on his back and pretended to be a robot. True story: I know a grown man who does this on a daily basis, but that’s a whole ‘nuther story in itself. While Major Deadhead was prancing around with a key stuck to his back, he attracted a large group of wind-up toys. The leader of the wind-up toys was a sheep that declared Major Deadhead “Daddy”.

To Arcturo, this seemed normal – he calls me “poppa” all the time. But it made me wonder about the sheep’s lineage. On a positive note, Major Deadhead happily accepted this sudden offspring as his own, and we hope he does the right thing as far as providing for his bastard sheep-child.

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